Two years, too many changes to count

Over the last two years since I stopped blogging my entire life has changed. I sometimes can’t believe how many things have happened and what a different girl I am now. I have wanted to come back and write so many times but life has constantly gotten in the way. I’ve even considered starting a brand new blog since life is so different now. But the truth is, my past is part of who I am now. So I decided I’ll come back and start where I am. Hopefully we can get caught up, if you’re not a Facebook friend, that is 🙂

For Christmas this year my parents gave me a Roxy leather satchel as a symbol of starting my new life at a new school. It is large enough to shove extra clothes, snacks, art supplies, etc into in a pinch so I knew it would fit my new life in the painting studio at UTA.

The months since then have been a serious whirlwind and since my last trip to the studio in Arlington on Friday I have finally started to breathe again. I’m making time for all the things I have put off since December. All handled in a detailed list and proportioned throughout the summer so I can really focus on getting it done RIGHT. I have embraced my perfectionism and in doing so, freed a part of myself that was previously pretty ashamed I cared so much.

The fun part is, I’m also ALL creativity and passion so those two sides living in the same girl make for some interesting experiences, let me tell you. For example, when my life is all chaos, so are my physical surroundings. And my person. All my energy goes to making work and putting 100% of my energy into showing up to make it happen.

When school is in session my hair doesn’t get cut, my pedicures are self-applied, my room is a disaster area and my belongings are scattered in the places I most frequent: my parents’ house, Julian’s apartment (my fiance, more about him later) and the studio at school. My wonderful purse that my parents gave me has one seam loose in the strap already and is constantly weighed down by the eternal switches in cargo.

School is now out for the summer, I have two weeks til summer school starts and I just now sat down to clean out my purse for the first time in at least a month. As I pulled things out and started taking inventory, I realized it was a visual representation of all the things that are going on in my life now and all the incredible things that have happened. I decided this would be a perfect way for a quick catch up for my readership (if you’re still out there).

2 pencils & 1 eraser from drawing class – school has been great this semester. It is the hardest thing I’ve had to do since beginning my art life but it really paid off: emotionally, artistically and academically.

1 bag of colored sharpies and page markers – wedding planning has been all within the confines of deadlines this semester but now that summer is here, I will be hammering out some big things before school starts again.

1 wallet with exactly $0.17 inside. Being a student on the go is HARD financially. Enough said.

1 iPhone with very beatup pink case. Lifeline to my real life when I’m at school, lifeline to art when I am home. Key to keeping my loved ones very close at all times. Support system is a go!

1 present I bought for Jules around Valentines Day – our friendship turned romance has transformed my cynical, broken heart into a big fat teary-eyed mess. I have never had more fun with anyone and I’ve never felt more loved, comfortable and cared for by anyone in my entire life.

1 Chinese New Year envelope with engagement cash gift inside, to be deposited in our not-yet-opened joint wedding account. – He liked it and put a ring on it. No, seriously, the weeks since the proposal were on some sort of fast-forward button. It’s all been a blur but I will write a very detailed account of that very special day and the events leading up to it very soon.

1 new pack of Peppermint Orbit with five pieces already gone – I go through a pack in about five days. I should really start buying it by the case. My dentist would be mortified.

1 Mountain Berry Jolly Rancher – Where did this even come from? I had no idea this flavor even existed!

1 tiny bag of Robins Egg candy from our late-night Easter Egg hunt at mom and dad’s house. – Julian fits in so well with our family. I could not have asked for anyone more suited to come in and fill the role no one has ever been able to. He will make a great husband, yes, but he will make an incredible son-in-law. Makes me feel so lucky on a daily basis.

1 Ziplock bag with a fork & spoon inside from Grandma’s House – I moved out of Grandmas house over Spring Break this year in preparation of her big move to a retirement community. Her house is on the market (not the best market, everybody say prayers we will see it sell!) and I moved back into my parents house. It was a huge move. My biggest yet and I reduced my belongings to fit in a 5×5 storage space (this is SMALL, think about it) and four shelves in my parents garage. The furniture I plan to keep went to Julians apartment where he exclaimed “it looks like a real home now!” and everything else was boxed up to sell. It was very therapeutic. I am looking forward to the next move in to a new apartment with my husband next year!

I cosmetic bag full, including 1 Banana Boat Sunscreen stick SPF 30 – Last summer Julian and I travelled to Florida for a wedding and we spent every moment of our time there enjoying the ocean. I had never seen the ocean, let alone touched the water. I talked the whole way there about not being sure I would enjoy myself. As soon as we arrived on the beach I was mesmerized. We were alone with the lifeguard and one sunbather since it was so early. There were so many birds out. There were three storks out when we arrived! I held tight to Julians hand and started out sitting on the beach with the waves lapping my toes. By mid-day I was up to my neck, laughing and playing in the water. It was honestly, a transformative experience. I learned that I can trust myself, I can allow myself to have fun in new ways and most importantly, I can trust Julian.

1 small bottle Tylenol Extra Strength, half full – We doubled our joy by welcoming my second niece, Ivy Jane into the world last August! I feel like God adds so much joy to help us get through times we never thought we could. I have let go of so many things that gave me pain, heartache and anger in 2009. With so much to look forward to and so much love in my life, I realize that I am a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for. I am really blessed beyond measure and in ways I couldn’t have predicted. The pleasure truly is worth the pain.

I yellow legal pad containing a list of painting ideas – I have been so blessed with my art career as of yet. Awards won, shows under my belt and many works have been purchased. I know it’s all simply encouragement that I’m on the right track. I am always reminded that I’m at the beginning of my journey and I will always be learning. I wonder if I will ever reach a moment where I feel I’ve “arrived”. I hope not. I’ve learned a lot about attitude and how important it is to remain open and humble this semester. I’ve also learned that nobody can validate my work except me and I am on a mission to make sure I do that as often as possible. Gotta keep going. I know this journey will be full of amazing things!

1 list of new YouTube account information – I have so many ideas and after warring with myself on a confidence level, I’ll be attempting to launch a few of them over the next year or so. I will definitely keep you posted.

1 list of restaurants in the Fort Worth area – I made this list in JANUARY! I am determined to relax and enjoy this summer with Julian and the rest of my family, even though I’ll be taking summer class very early in the morning!

I plan on many upcoming posts about wedding planning, art, life and how things are now. I hope some of you come back and read about the next chapter in my life. I’ve missed writing and I’m ready to get back to this in a major way. Stay tuned!

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In My Head

"I'm already out of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how to get started. It's all uncharted." - Sara Barielles
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