Funny, I Still Feel Like Me

It just hit me a couple of days ago that I am, again, a college student. Maybe its the time off or the distance between me and my former institute of higher learning but for some reason, this feels totally and completely different. When I announced to my family that I had gotten a resounding “A” in my class this semester, they seemed much more pleased than I was. I keep thinking that this will, at some point, become impossible. I keep waiting for the time when I can’t seem to keep up. Or the moment when I no longer want to come to class. The day when I get a paper back with a big red “F” on the front…but, no dice.

Dad kinda smacked me the other night and said, “You think I was getting D’s in my music classes? No! A’s!” I guess I just never really knew that school could be just a furthering of your natural talent. The opening of doors that were previously under lock and key in a former life.

I remember telling myself long ago that my artistic mind was no more or less special than the next guy. The thing I’m starting to learn is that I don’t even care. If somebody has MORE talent then I do, it won’t diminish what I have to say. And at this point, it’s up to me to figure out exactly what my statement will be.

Anyway, all that to say that I made it – with an “A” and another semester under my belt. I will be registering this week for Drawing I and Painting I and I could not be more excited. This semester, I dipped my toe in the water. Next semester, I am going to wade. You guys won’t be able to hold me back when I’m ready to dive in. I promise you that.

My teacher suggested on our last day that we give ourselves the opportunity to line all of our work up from the semester and see how we’ve grown. Since I don’t have the space to do that, I figured it might be fun to do that here – in pictures!

I’m missing a couple projects but I’m too lazy to upload them from my phone. You’re not missing anything essential.









Final project (encompassing everything we learned over the semester):


My final project hanging in the art building! My teacher had to point it out as I was passing him in the hallway. And then he said, “You’re not very observant for an art major.” I’m not going to miss his favorite way to refer to me, as I was the only art major in our class.


Overall, I still don’t feel like a style has emerged yet. A wonderful friend of mine told me yesterday that I won’t be able to really communicate my style until I know who I am. I asked for a hint but she wouldn’t give me one! All this self-improvement has left me feeling drained and the sense of accomplishment only lasts for about 0.5 seconds a day.

Like I said, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Although, that’s a problem that is much greater than just school. That’s my life. Disappointment is the expectation and sometimes, it makes me miss the good stuff. Trusting that things will live up to my dreams is maybe the single most terrifying thing I have ever experienced. I’m working on it.

Stay tuned.


2 responses to “Funny, I Still Feel Like Me

  1. Braeden

    Hello there Heather! (Yes, I still read your blog).

    I’m so glad you’re succeeding at school. It makes me really happy that you feel like you’re progressing and developing as an artist. I know sometimes I feel lost in developing my skills as a musician, and there’s nothing more frustrating.

    If you’ve got the time, I recommend you find a copy of the DVD “Sunday in the Park with George.” If you’re not familiar, it’s a musical by Stephen Sondheim, and it’s absolutely brilliant. Some people think it’s boring because it’s kind of slow-moving and really dense… but it’s really a very powerful exploration of art, the creation of art, self-expression, the artist’s relationship with the world… it’s just wonderful, and has so much to say. I could write a 20 page essay analyzing everything that’s crammed in there. Anyway, check it out. I don’t know how easy it will be to find, but look around, because it’s totally worth it.

    See you around!

  2. auntbea0417

    Knowing who you are…now there is a challange. I’m not sure we ever really know for sure. Our lives are so fluid that makes it difficult. You see, at different times we are different people. For instance, at the beginning of the year I was not a grandmother but as of September I am a grandmother – a whole new aspect of myself that I am developing. Over the course of my life I’ve stepped into new challanges that have made me who I am today, some forced, some chosen, but always growing and changing into the creation God wants me to be. Don’t focus so much on who you are as whose you are. He’s the one who gifts us with our talents and guides us in how to use them. Congrats!! on the A. Great job!

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December 2008
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In My Head

"I'm already out of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how to get started. It's all uncharted." - Sara Barielles
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